From Kelly’s Own Words About Apologies and Reconciliation

Oct 17, 2009 11:42 AM
From Kelly’s Own Words About Apologies and Reconciliation
by makestraight

Kelly posted some good words of sharing in her recent posts, and I thought I would comment upon them.


http://kellykangblog.wordpress.com/2009/09/30/mercy/

We are so busy thinking about all the ways that we have been wronged rather than all the ways that we have sinned against God and others. At the end of each day, most of us come out positive in terms of people that we need to forgive rather than people that we need to receive forgiveness from. But I wonder how true that is to reality.

I know that this is certainly true of me. The longer I live, the more I feel that I’m accumulating more and more hurts. This is just a reality of living in a sinful world full of broken sinners. Although I have done my share of hurting others as a sinner, the thing that I remember vividly and still with raw emotions are the ways that I have been hurt by others. This is such a warped perspective through which to see the world, and yet this feels so right. But in my clearer moments I have a strong sense that the truth is actually far from this perspective.

http://kellykangblog.wordpress.com/2009/09/26/humility-healing/

If I am in need of something, I need to ask for help.
If my relationship with someone is tense, I need to initiate reconciliation.
If I did something wrong to someone, I need to say sorry.
I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt. But with Kelly, because I have seen her and interacted with her over the years – I just can’t grant her that kind of benefit of the doubt based upon my experience, and others’ experience [whom I know personally].

Here are some things that bother me.

1. ”…I have done my share of hurting others as a sinner…” - Does Kelly really believe that she has done her share of hurting others as a sinner? It would be true sign of humility if she could share more specifically how. Can she confess that she has wielded her power abusively over people and damaged them spiritually and emotionally? There are specific cases of this that I and others have posted about. For ex., Kelly had members questioned as to why they didn’t give her a birthday card. She rebuked people over not doing dishes at her house after the meal was over. This seems like a generic sharing by Kelly, where she confesses GENERALLY that she’s a sinner, but doesn’t actually concede to any specific sin, as she is usually known to NOT do. I can’t trust her on this because of examples like this, where she states that she was hurt by some sister for not being trusted, and it was all this other sister’s fault. She seemed quite appalled in her post that any of it could have been her fault. It’s probably just me, but I can’t shake the feeling that somehow she wrote these posts after I pointed out in my rebuttal that she incorrectly and self-righteously places herself in the role of the sinless Jesus. These posts seem like an effort by her to quickly retract her position and point out “Hey, I”m a sinner too.” But unless there is specific repentance over the clear sins she committed, her recent post only seems to be mere lip-service about being a sinner.

2. ”If I am in need of something, I need to ask for help” – As previously mentioned in this blog, Kelly did not abide by her own words several years ago when she was sick and needed help. Rather, she convened small groups together, and had members corrected and chided for not doing anything for her, when she herself never sent out an email or called any of those members. She placed the blame upon members for not knowing that they should help. Very wrong. Yet she STILL refuses to acknowledge she sinned in that way, when it’s very obvious that it was wrong.

3. ”If my relationship with someone is tense, I need to initiate reconciliation” – Kelly has been known to rather BLAME people who she has a tense relationship with, placing the blame BACK upon that person as in the example I already cited. Also, both from stories I’ve heard, and my own experience, her view of reconciliation for her own relationships is proving that she’s right, or that she was “misunderstood”.

4. ”If I did something wrong to someone, I need to say sorry” – I’ve cited things Kelly has done wrong. In the Toxic Faith blog, there are countless commenters who have vented about being wronged and hurt by her and Pastor Ed. I don’t see them initiating or apologizing for any of that. Rather, the bloggers are commenters are constantly discredited by labeling them as “bitter,” “unforgiving,” “unwilling to admit that Gracepoint has changed,” etc. There is no acknowledgement that they have done anything wrong. Pastor Ed and Kelly do not heed the truth about their own sins. And Kelly, can she finally confess that she wronged a bunch of people through her birthday and being sick incidents? Can she FINALLY say sorry and abide by her own words?

Matthew 5:23:24 states:

23″Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

But neither her nor Pastor Ed do this. They go on trying to offer gifts to God with their preaching, teaching, and hard work, while hurting others along the way unjustly through spiritual abuse.

When our loftiness of our words surpasses our character, that’s a sign that we have lost touch with ourselves. To put it simply, such a person is a hypocrite. That’s what the Pharisees did.

I believe Pastor Ed said something similar to his members before.

Also, Kelly says in her own words:

“Although I have done my share of hurting others as a sinner, the thing that I remember vividly and still with raw emotions are the ways that I have been hurt by others. This is such a warped perspective through which to see the world, and yet this feels so right. But in my clearer moments I have a strong sense that the truth is actually far from this [Kelly's] perspective.”

So isn’t it time now for her to acknowledge the real truth, and appropriately repent specifically and ask for forgiveness from those that she’s wronged?

[related post: In Pastor Ed's Own Words - "The Letter"]