Have a Gentle Holiday

A gentle reminder and repost from two years ago. I just re-read some of the comments on that post and sigh... it makes me sad.

I heard through the rumor mill that Gracepoint is allowing its members to spend more time with their families this year. (In previous years, they held their All Teams Retreat during the holidays.) Parents of students and young professionals are grateful that they don't have to argue with their kids about visiting for the holidays. I'm glad and I hope Gracepoint continues to loosen their iron tight grip on their members' lives.

Anyway, here is the post, slightly updated:

Dear Readers,

The holidays can be a time of even-more-than-usual grief and sadness for some of us. There are many unrecognized expectations from within and without that make it impossible for us to simply... be. Expectations can come in the following forms:

• giving elaborate gifts
• giving expensive gifts
• sending out cards
• preparing elaborate meals
• hosting
• being with family
• not being with family
• having meals with family
• having a good time
• enjoying everyone's company
• being generous
• being grateful
• acting cheerful and excited (when you're not)
• being nice to people, who are not nice to us
• celebrating

Whatever we do or not do, I hope we can all be gentle with ourselves and start to shed some of these expectations that are more burdensome than life-giving. Perhaps we can use the holidays as an opportunity to finally start learning to say no. Start with something small like asking for that drink to be extra hot and sending it back when it's not. (But please say it nice.) Say no to making two stops all the way across town on the same day. Say no to chipping in on an expensive gift. It will all work out.

During my Berkland days, I felt pressure to keep my holiday time with my family short so that I could spend time with my "real" family. I would give free rides to folks from Berkeley to LA and pick them up and drop them off all over Los Angeles and Orange County. It didn't occur to me that I could say no. Or that doesn't work for me. Saying no was very dangerous in that culture as it could be easily labeled as selfish, ungrateful, unspiritual, unchristian, disobedient, lazy, etc...

Give yourself permission to rest this season. You have already done enough. You are fully accepted just as you are. Jesus never healed someone based on their qualifications. He healed everyone who asked. And even some who didn't want to get healed, he healed. And he didn't say, I'm such an amazing loving God, I healed you even when you didn't deserve it. No. He said, your faith has healed you. He gave the credit to those who were healed. God's presence is never contingent on our deservedness. You are already accepted. You are already home.

May you have a gentle holiday season.