I tried to imagine myself attending this mandatory retreat, separated from my spouse (because it's held by gender) and using my PTO to fly to the Bay Area. I imagined myself sitting for 8 hours a day, listening to Ed Kang or a white dude telling me how I need to give more, do more, be more for God.
I bet there was so much prep that went into this event and lots of money spent, for sure.
The prep for Christian Festival during the Berkland times was intense and I bet ATR is even more intense.
I am SO SO SO glad that I left this church and that I don't have to go to events like this or help prep for one. Buy endless amount of food, cut it, cook it, serve it, clean up after it. Practice the skit, practice the songs, make slideshows. It's exhausting to just think about.
After several years in Berkland, that nagging thought of "Am I really doing this for God?" was the one that ultimately led me to leave. I realized that I wasn't... and I couldn't fake it anymore. My leaders were happy to have me leave. No one even tried to stop me. I was a thorn on their side by then, since I wasn't giving my time and money to the church without question like they wanted me to. I stopped pretending that I was repentant about dumb stuff that they wanted me to be repentant about. They didn't know what to do with me. (This was before the age of Soul Care.)
What confirmed that my decision was the right one was realizing that what I had gone through was spiritual abuse and emotional manipulation. This church had somehow ended up controlling all aspects of my life (time, career, friends, family, school, work, dating, money, etc.) and making me feel guilt and shame every time I went against their wishes. I had bought into the lie that church=god=family.
To anyone who is coming off of the All Team Retreat high and wondering, "Was that really all for God?" I want to say, maybe it was and maybe it wasn't. Maybe there was some genuine intention that this was the best way to use the church members' time and energy. But maybe there are some shadows lurking around too. Maybe Ed and Kelly Kang are perpetuating the Christian industrial complex or more accurately, the GP industrial complex. Maybe there are some hidden agendas to mold you into a soldier or factory worker for GP, not for God. Maybe they need more money or people to fund and man their next batch of church plants. Maybe ontological expansiveness has somehow seeped into GP's application of the Great Commission.
